by Ana Ortiz-Cooper
July 9, 2006

The first time I fell in love, I was in front of a TV screen watching Dr. Kildare (Richard Chamberlain). In kindergarten, I never missed my appointment with the doctor; the chance to be in the same room with a compassionate, gentle and nurturing man – who was often in hot water with the establishment for being so effeminate. He cried, he showed his pain, I fell in love.

My father is such a feminine man. He took my heart first. But my father was uncomfortable with the woman inside him. So much so, that when he saw her in his son (the female creator, the artist, the gay man), he tried to do away with her. Dad did what he thought was best and destroyed much of my brother’s early artwork. Thankfully, he did not destroy my brother, who is the love of my life. But my father, whom I worship, did damage that every day I endeavor with all my strength to repair and heal. That is why I'm writing this.

Few men really capture my heart; the reason for my being single so many years. The men who enthrall me are always feminine men – and I adore them from the deepest place inside me. I'm faithful to them. I defend and protect them. I rally for them. Cheer them on. Cry for them. Write them poems. Do whatever I can with all the passion I can muster to reveal their beauty. I do it for them; for my dad; for my brother. But mostly, I do it for myself. Protecting the femininity in men is protecting my own.

Now you know what makes me tick; why I must succeed in business and as an artist; why I've been wounded, yet so determined to recover. It's self-preservation; survival. I refuse to live in a world where femininity is deplored. I praise and encourage it in myself and in all the men and women around me. It's my purpose in life. My mission is peace. Please make love, not war. Please make love and live. If you make war you perish.

My heroes are:

• My feminine dad
• My gay brother
• Richard Chamberlain
• The feminine Bill O'Reilly
• The feminine David Garibaldi
• Gay men in general
• Deepak Chopra
• Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
• Sterling Scott Fillingham